


The Journey to Find Oneself

by Blacklily



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But He'll Get Better, Depressing Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, LITERALLY, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Violence, battles with inner demons, i kinda feel a bit bad for tobio, kinda dark at first, most characters dont appear until future chapters, some parts are vague, the violence doesnt affect the characters(not yet)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:43:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blacklily/pseuds/Blacklily
Summary: I don’t want to be alone…The remains of past isolation haunt me, which causes it to continue to grow…It’s tiring…It’s painful…It’s suffocating…It’s lonely…
Kageyama just feels the need to escape...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what will happen with this story. In fact, I'm pretty sure that there will be points in the future where the characters seem ooc. That's just how it is. I've had this story idea for a while and I just kinda want to get it out of my system. I'll make no promises to anyone on what will happen, but I hope that you do enjoy the story.

_I don’t want to be alone…_

_The remains of past isolation haunt me, which causes_ it _to continue to grow…_

_I can feel_ it _feeding from the feeling of rejection, from the insecurities that surround my mind, from the leering judgement of others that cause me to misjudge my own being._ It _crawls under my skin, settling wherever it feels comfortable, and causing me to believe I am no longer able to be myself._ It _continues to grow every day, creating greater distain in the faces of others._ It _builds a higher wall between my true self, and what others tend to see me as._

_I don’t want to be seen as a threat, but there is no known way to get rid of_ it _._

_Once someone is said to contain the so-called skill, one of two things happen. Either you are loved and cared for, keeping it small and weak. You live your life filled with love and can only use it for tiny little things. It’s the side that is better, more comforting, almost like a dream come true._

_But for the others, it can be a nightmare._

_Those of us who have it and do not have such pleasures are to develop it even further. We are to help protect those who do not have the skill against those who do. We must build its strength up and use it against others. We must let it grow stronger, even if we lose ourselves in the process…_

_The thing is, it feeds from the darkness that shrouds the mind. Every insecurity you have makes it grow stronger. Every feeling of regret, guilt, and rejection causes it to crawl under your skin even more than before. Every horrifying memory, every terrifying fear, every self-abusing thought causes you to lose apart of yourself to gain power for it._

_I don’t want to possess the skill anymore, my thoughts from when I was younger were excruciatingly wrong._

_It doesn’t matter that you can control the form. It doesn’t matter that some people look cool while controlling it. It doesn’t matter that it is considered an honor to wield the skill in the name of the people._

_It’s tiring…_

_It’s painful…_

_It’s suffocating…_

_It’s lonely…_

_I miss being able to speak freely. I miss talking to my friends. I miss running around and playing with others. I miss people being willing to talk with me. I miss the ability to have happier thoughts. I miss being able to smile properly. I miss being happy…_

_But that’s everything you lose when you’re chosen to command it… when you’re chosen to command your inner demon…_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The room was silent, the tension was high, and the movement from every individual was ceased. There were even a few whose breath was held captive, not even attempting escape until it was safe. Every person being on high alert for the next move.

Then, one woman smiled. It was a sickeningly sweet smile that held only the promise of misfortune. The kind that made shivers run up spines and children hide behind parents in terror of what was to come.

As soon as the smile appeared, panic rose through every other individual in the room. Instincts telling them to flee. Minds screaming at people to leave her sights before they set she sets her eyes on them.

But as soon as that smile had appeared, it was too late. For her sights were already pinned on every being that had been in that room. She had already decided on what her course of action would be.

And so, as she smiled, a large, heavy darkness rose from every corner of the room, surrounding it and cutting off any and all possible exits. The people’s panic rose, their screams going unheard as the room bled black. Her quiet laughter unheard as the pained screams of the people echoed all around her as people were shown their fears, quickly driven mad, or painfully pulled apart.

It didn’t take very long for the screams to die out. The growing laughter of the woman the only sound heard in the room as it steadily grows brighter. She looked around and smiled as she continued to laugh, looking all too well like someone crazy.

But just like the screams, it didn’t take long for the laughter to disappear. And with her silence, there came her tears. She looked around, blank-faced with tear tracks, and slowly walked around the room. Stopping by each and every victim, she looked at their faces and committed each to memory. Not leaving any forgotten.

When she finally finished, she turned to the door and slowly walked out of the room, not once turning back.

When she made it outside, she walked steadily down the sidewalk. The darkness of the night favoring her and hiding her from any light. She walked on, slowly letting her darker-self take over until it completely enveloped her mind, letting her become one with the darkness, and completely fading away into the shadows.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As the days drag on, the situation with the attacking wielders gets increasingly worse. It almost seems like a nightmare. One loses themselves in their minds, terrified of life, others, and themselves, which leads them to be unable continue to hold on to their sanity very long.

And then, they break.

Where normal people would get depression or worse, chosen wielders lose themselves to the demon that hides under their skin. Once someone who’s skilled breaks, they give free control to the power that lies within them. Which leads a wielder to become whatever their inner demon hides.

Because it is one’s inner demon that is being wielded. Not some shadow, of darkness in a room. It’s the darkness of the mind that takes a physical form and can be controlled however one wants it to be. It’s why the skilled who are happy don’t have much power with the darkness, but those who are in constant agony have more power than they can sometimes control.

That’s why those who are to protect those who are not skilled are placed through harsh, unforgiving training. In order to gain the strength needed, those skilled must be put through some pain.

But Kageyama has been put through too much pain.

He’s went through more pain than all his peers. His ever-growing strength increases the distain they feel towards him, leading to the constant rejection and isolation he is put through. A vicious cycle between the rejection caused by the growing power and the growth of power.

He wants it to stop. He wants peace of mind. He wants to leave everything behind.

And so, that’s what he decides to do.

 

* * *

 

 

Now, one cannot simply ask to leave training and go back to a normal life. Especially not if one has Kageyama’s level of power. The intensity of his power is enough to cause worry within the walls of the training facility, so he’s not getting away by going out the front door. Which means that his only was out is to escape.

‘ _Escape? And go where, dumbass?_ ’

‘Anywhere but here.’

He picked his belongings out by what he would need, plus all the money he had. He had carefully thought out an escape route, creating a plan b for if it was necessary. He skillfully thought through almost every excuse he could think of if he was caught. And finally, he put his plan into action.

While there was a close call, the escape was successful and he made it out without anyone seeing him.

At first, he walked at a normal pace, not wanting to draw attention to himself. However, as he got farther from the facility, his speed started to steadily pick up, increasing until he was running down the busy streets, clumsily weaving in between people. His feet not slowing down until he reached the edge of the city.

As he stopped to catch his breath, Kageyama looked past the city’s edge. His mind wondered back to a conversation he overheard about the neighboring city, and even though it wasn’t a very pleasant conversation, it still sparked his curiosity of the place. Besides, he couldn’t stay here or he’d be caught and forced to endure constant surveillance, and probably more isolation and judgement.

‘ _You deserve it. After all, look at what you are_.’

‘No one deserves it.’

‘ _You do though. You are a nobody, a no one_.’

‘… I do not, and that is final.’

He silences the voice, and looks up at the night sky. He takes a deep breath, preparing for everything that will come next. Because whatever situation life bestows upon him in the future, Kageyama will go through with it. He will not let anything get in the way of him becoming himself again.

So, with one final deep breath, Kageyama starts forth to what he hopes will be a brighter life for him.


End file.
